As people (in our personal life), being agreeable with others (friends, family members, etc.) is a fine quality. A quality that rarely (if ever) will get you in trouble. There is no harm in being a “great guy” or a “very understanding woman.” In our personal life.
As employees (in our business/work life), with management, other colleagues, prospects, customers, etc. It is a different story. There is a special kind of respect that comes with questioning, pushing back, constructive disagreement and even debate.
There is a long list of people that claim they coined the phrase, “If two people always agree, one of them is unnecessary.” Give that some thought and it is very hard to argue.
Over-agreeing is almost always due to nervousness and angst that stems from a need for approval. A desire to be liked. A deep need to be valued as relevant and good. You can kick it up a notch (or 10) when dealing with upper management (I don’t want her not to like me . . . I’ll agree with her . . .) In sales, you can add Cayanne Pepper to it when meeting with prospects and/or customers (After all, they have the money . . . and the control . . . I had better just go with the flow.) This is incredibly common. If you are in sales, and you relate, know that you are normal. But realize this as quickly as possible: If you want to be screamingly successful in sales you need to adjust or as they say, “course correct.”)
The problem is, this agreeable posturing often leads to burnout, lack of recognition, lack of respect and it flat-out weakens your position . We all know what a “YES MAN” or a “YES WOMAN” is. And being labeled as a “YES MAN” or a “YES WOMAN” has never benefited anyone, ever. Be it in the office with your co-workers or out of the office with prospects and customers. Picture the best YES Man or Woman you know. Any questions?
So, we should discuss ways to curb the agreeing, without being labeled as mean, uncooperative or difficult to work with.
A few ideas to keep you from over-agreeing:
- Let Them Think What They Want: If you are nervous, be OK with that. Let people disagree with you. Let them think you are different. This eliminates all the energy spent trying to manage others’ opinions.
- Start Small : Start practicing with small, low-risk disagreements. Instead of “Yes,” try saying, “That’s one way to look at it . . . , another might be . . .”
- Try “Sticking to your Guns”: Use neutral phrases to hold your ground without any hostility (on either side):
- “I understand (I appreciate) you see it differently, but I am going to stick with my approach.
- “I will need a little more time to think about that before I agree, ok?
- Separate Your Feelings from the Facts: Feeling nervous or anxious does not mean you are incompetent or wrong. It also does not mean that the other person is right. It is a physiological reaction (a feeling).
Overcoming Intimidation:
If intimidation is what you are feeling (not nervousness or angst) here are a few suggestions that may help:
- People are People: The people you find intimidating are often just focused on their own goals, not personally attacking you. This is becoming more and more true in our society.
- Take a “Chill Pill”: If a conversation feels too intense, take a breath, or ask to pause and discuss later.
- There is Value in Having Options/Alternative Ideas: Remind yourself that your unique perspective brings value, and a company benefits from diversity of thought, not consensus. Remember the “Two people always agree quote” from above . . .
Again, there is a special kind of respect that comes with questioning, pushing back, constructive disagreement and even debate. Want respect? Go out there and earn it. Anyone can agree with everything. That’s easy.
